Money, Love and Other Drugs 💰

Hot takes on finances and money matters in modern romance

I filmed a podcast last week - I took user submitted questions and asked my friends with the hottest takes to give their advice live on the pod (“What’s the Sitch” is releasing very soon). Since I am usually the person my friends go to for advice, it was really fun to flip things around. 

The questions were on a wide range of topics from emotional cheating to platonic best friends to dating comedians but the ones we spent the most time on and got really into were the questions that discussed finances. 

We hate talking about money so the idea of having to talk to our friends about money matters is mildly horrific; the idea of talking to someone you are dating about money is positively suicide inducing. And that’s why most couples lie about finances, fight about finances and ultimately break up over finances. 

1. If you ask, you pay. The rules around who pays for date one really simple so it’s confusing why people struggle to follow them. The person who does the asking pays for the date. That’s the unspoken rule. You definitely don’t need to ask in advance of your Hinge, Bumble, Tinder date who’s going to pick up the bill. That makes an already awkward first encounter even more awkward. And makes you seem a little cringe and money minded. If you’re a guy, you should absolutely not accept when the girl asked you to split the bill unless you’re sure you don’t want another date because of the aforementioned rule. Buuuut if she insists, then my king she’s saying she’s absolutely not down for date number 2 so don’t even bother asking. 

   

   facts

2. But paying doesn’t entitle you to date 2. Unclear why I need to outline this but seems like men these days think it’s ok to Venmo you for your part if you say no. IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT. 

3. Speaking of Venmo… Please, dear lord, make your Venmo private. I know a couple who insist on publicly Venmo each other for everything from their monthly rent to splitting the oysters and drinks for a Friday business school happy hour. We don’t want to actually see how you do your finances, just like we don’t actually want to know how your sex life is.

4. No girlfriend behavior until you’re the girlfriend. We butted heads a lot on when girls have to start offering to *really* split or even picking up the tab. My firm belief is that you’re not picking up a single bill until you’re officially exclusive, until then he’s needs to feel like he is aggressively courting you and trying to win you over. Don’t do his laundry, don’t organize his home, and don’t split the bill. The thrill of the chase trumps feminism when it comes to closing the deal.

   

5. It works both ways. 87% of girls are so put off if a guy tells them to pick up the tab or “take out cash for JG Mellon” in the early days. Girls are judging if a guy is chivalrous, generous and can take care of them (if needed) before they commit. Also in the era of sugar daddies, if you can’t afford her, someone else can.

   

   for my CC and ZB girlies

6. It changes when you start dating - boys REALLY notice if you don’t pay for anything.