My best friend's wedding(s)
Taking you behind the scenes of the Big Fat Indian wedding.
There are three seasons in India, summer, monsoon and wedding season. For 45 days between mid November until early January all work stops, and there’s a wedding happening every 1.6 seconds!!! If you’re following my Instagram, then you’ll know that I am going to 15 days of wedding celebrations in a span of 21 days and I’m attending dance practice on the days that I don’t have a wedding.
So as a serial wedding attendee, here’s my guide on how to be the best wedding guest ever.
Be incredibly supportive and excited for the couple (publicly and privately)!! Seems obvious, but some of my oldest and bestest friends are getting married, and people think it’s appropriate to ask whether I like the bride or groom. Ummm, hello? Even if I didn’t like them, their wedding day is not the time to discuss this. I have a 3 part checklist on how I assess my friend’s partners (and none if it resolves around how much I get along with them, because let’s face it - I am only going to be friends with them for as long as my best friend is married to them). The three questions are:
Is my friend completely themselves around this person?
Is my friend secure in who they are?
Are they pushing my friend to be a better version of themselves?
If all 3 are a YES, then yes I am absolutely excited about this wedding. And if any of these are a no, I would have already stopped the wedding from happening.
But do not ask other guests when they are getting married. Growing up, all the Indian aunties would ask this to every unmarried women they would see at a wedding. Now people my age are nosily asking this. We place way too much of a premium on finding a man, like literally any man, but you want to take your time to find the right one. It’s not a race to the finish line to get married, you don’t get a gold star if you are the first one down the aisle. Asking this question adds to the immense and unnecessary pressure that women face about finding a partner - don’t be part of the problem!
(Please please please) Do not embarrass the bride and groom in your speech. No one wants to hear about exes, drugs, masturbation (all of which have come up at weddings I’ve attended). Save that for the bachelor trip. You’re not trying to give their mother in law ammunition to use against them. Even though I might have talked about a certain bride setting my microwave on fire, flooding my childhood bedroom, and destroying my piano…
But do have fun with the bride’s parents. They have spent a lot of time, energy and money on this day and they should be a part of it. It’s an emotional and special time, and it does go a long way to grab them to dance. .
Be the last person on the dance floor. It’s your job to make sure the bride is having the time of her life which means you are the first to start dancing, you are pulling people on to the dance floor, you are starting a Congo line, you are grabbing the mike to sing with the band. Your energy level should correlate to the depth and length of your friendship. If you grew up together, you better not be leaving early, missing events.
But do not be the person who forgets their dance steps. Or if you are not at a big fat Indian wedding where you need to know a choreographed dance, then make sure you do whatever small thing the bride and groom might have given you the responsibility of. Weddings can be really stressful and hard to plan - so try and help in whatever little way you can.
Do not stick to your partner. This is not date night. You can hang out with them at home.
But please stick to the dress code. I can promise you the bride has spent a lot of time curate the vibe and decor and theme so that her outfit stands out perfectly so the least you can do is dress appropriately. I can also promise you she doesn’t want your neon dress sticking out in the sea of pastels in her pictures and videos. I’m such a stickler about this that even though my husband forgot his formal shoes with his suit I made him squeeze into my dad‘s shoes that are three sizes too small because I refused to have him attend a friend’s wedding in…sneakers.
Do talk to random strangers. If you’re curious why the ex who the bride cheated on in order to marry the groom is present, go ask them. If you see your high school History teacher, go catch up with him. If you see someone you have never spoken to IRL, but know from Instagram, go give them a hug and ask them who designed their outfit and what their biggest feat is. Weddings are a chance to meet total randoms who you will never see again, ask unhinged questions, and maybe if you’re lucky have a threesome with two Scottish guys?? Anything can happen!
Do not ask the DJ for random song requests. I learnt the hard way that no one wants a 90s Bollywood set interrupted by Charlie XCX. Safe to say it is NOT a brat winter in India.
Ok gotta go to my 4th wedding of the season!!
XOXO
Guru Nandini