The long promised newsletter about RED FLAGS is finally here. And I have some fun hot takes, and some crowdsourced even hotter takes. Thank you to the 216 people who responded to my IG story, you are the real ones.
🚩🚩🚩IN MEN:
Splitting the bill: If he tells the server you are “paying separately”, GO RUN TO THE HILLS. Yes, I know someone who does this, and yes I am a feminist but I do think men’s affection is directly connected to their wallet. If he’s not paying on date one, he is absolutely not asking you on date two.
Communicating via DMs: If he’s sliding into your DMs to make plans, instead of texting you, he’s not your man, he’s the club promoter at TAO. He can sort out your entry but he most definitely will not be dating you or any of the other 2k girls he follows on his public Instagram profile.
Mattress on the floor: I don’t care if you live in Bushwick, you can still go to Ikea and get a bed frame. The broke artist / musician vibe was chic in the 90s, but now nothing is sexier than having a montage, and a 401k. Having a functional, clean apartment is a sign of adulthood, and if you can afford the table at Paul’s on a Saturday, you can afford a cleaner on a Sunday.
Sports team tattoos: Hard pass. If Tom Brady is your religion, I will not being going to church with you.
🚩🚩🚩IN WOMEN:
Microbags: Men if she has a microbag, she isn’t paying. There is no room for a credit card in these baby Jaqs, so she can’t even pretend to reach into her bag and try to pay. And you want her to at least do a half assed attempt at pretending.
Constant friend group drama: She likes the excitement, the attention, the volatility. There will be slammed doors, blocked texts, subtext in the IG story, and maybe even a Grammy award winning song about you. Consider this your warning that you will be dragged into this.
Doesn’t use public transport: She’s going to be a VERY expensive date, and an even more expensive wife. Especially if she makes you call the uber to take her to the date, she’s signaling to you the type of life she wants, so listen to her… And honestly between Citibike, the ferry, and the L train, all hot girls in the city use public transport.
Talking about her ex - That’s what your therapist is for, not a date. Even bigger red flag if she still talks to him. (I will admit I did invite two of my exes to join the dating app I started tho…..)
🚩🚩🚩FOR ALL:
Serial cheater: This should be an obvious one, but we are the generation that has grown up seeing Carrie/Mr. Big and Gossip Girl, which has glorified that a reformed cheater makes a great husband (or a wife). It’s way too risky to hope that you will be the exception not the rule.
Getting political: Unless you are directly affected by the situation in the Middle East or a journalist, I am not sure why you are posting about it constantly and confidently. Remember when we all became overnight experts in epidemiology during the pandemic? Right now the world is a tough place, and I want to be cheered up by seeing your Sephora sale haul or your slutty Halloween fit. More thots, less thoughts please.
Pictures on private planes: This is truly the tackiest thing known to mankind, and this is the hill I will gladly die on. Quiet luxury is still in, even if you are tired of hearing the phase.
Being vegan: My husband has recently became vegan, and no, the Rubirosa vegan gluten free pizza is absolutely not as good as the original. AVOID VEGANS AT ALL COSTS.
I’m off to plan my annual Diwali party, where I am planning to set up 6 different couples - will keep you posted how that goes…
Xoxo
Guru Nandini